My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
