Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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