you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize