just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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