moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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