why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
