Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
