I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
