he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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