How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
