you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
