the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
