I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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