see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
