It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.