My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize