i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
