epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
