Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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