Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
