I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
