I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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