my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The ass gains better be worth it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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