I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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