Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
