were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
