I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, beer. Big fan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm like, not good at living.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
