allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
