so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
