no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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