i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
