I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
