Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
