how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
