Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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