he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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