dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
