I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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