booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
