I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I love you. Go after that dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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