We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
