1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
