Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
