Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
