I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You can't special order awesome
They should really pass out barf bags in church
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
