Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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