the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My dick has a subreddit
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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