there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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