So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
