i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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