I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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