you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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