It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
