i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
