How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize