Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
