i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
