Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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