I wannas sexs uuuuu
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
