Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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