I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
