Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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