I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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