We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS