awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
