She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
