I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
