Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
