I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
